Bad eggs

I wrote before about how I was disappointed with the embryo quality at the ET, and was feeling guilty about it. I had an appointment with the FS yesterday, and she confirmed what I 'knew' then was true. The embryo's quality was crap. It wasn't even a morula at when it was transferred. More than 10 cells they said in the report. I am not sure why I heard 'near blastocyst' during ET that day (I thought I knew what the embryos were supposed to look like on various days after all the google support that I take!).  

Looking forward

I asked her what I could do to make the quality better if we have to do another IVF round in the future, and she suggested more folic acid (only). I am not 100% sold on that though. I know folic acid means less chances of abnormality in terms of number of chromosomes that are present in the embryo etc, but I am not sure if that affects how the embryos grow day to day. I will add it to my daily routine anyway of course. 

Since I am doing natural FET's, if this round of FET is the same as the last, I can start an IVF cycle right away, so as early as March. She also mentioned that since I have regular periods, I will go through the shorter Antagonist cycle this time. No specific reason, except that its short. I was told, the egg quality/quantity may or may not be better. So, before my 35th birthday, I guess I may have a better indication of if my eggs had been crap all along or not. 

With P4, they will try to have the EPU earlier next cycle, provided it doesn't fall in the weekend, as the clinic does not do EPU's over the weekend! No change in dosage or anything, as I had responded fine in the last cycle. 

Bad batch?

We also discussed about what differences we can expect in this FET that I have booked this month. We discussed the possibility of this cycle being better, but also the equal or maybe higher chances that the embryos are the same or worse quality. One out of 4 lasted to >10 cell stage in the last cycle. There may be a miracle in the 5 that are left in freezer, but there may not be. Guess we'll just have to wait and see. When I specifically asked the question, I was told that I could ask to NOT put the embryos back at ET after seeing the embryo and deciding they are not developed enough. I am yet to find the financial implications of that, and if we would be strong enough to make the decision on that day...

The first appointment

Around two months back, we finally decided on the fertility centre to move our IF journey forward. Fortunately, we did not have to wait a long time to get an appointment with the fertility specialist.  On the 4th Oct, we finally met the young FS, who went through our health records, asked us a lot of questions, and when it was clear to us that we were ready for IVF, she said she was OK for us to start straight away. She said IUI is not really something we need to try, as both of had no specific problems. She gave us tons of blood tests to perform, including AMI. Told us to book an appointment with the nurse ASAP, as it took up to a month to get an appointment, and I needed an appointment before I could start the next long down cycle. With the clinic closed for about a month for Christmas, it was important that I start in the next cycle. We both left the building with a happy face, perhaps we both felt that we had finally something positive to look forward to.

The call

That evening, we visit a couple who were very close friends (we didn't tell them about the appointment). Few hours in, we got a call that FIL is being rushed to the nearest hospital  because of a blood clot in his brain. FIL being a heart patient, both of us knew what the risks were. We finished dinner and went home with a heavy heart. The day had started well, but now we had lots of thoughts on our way back. I must admit some of mine were selfish, as  I was wondering if we would be able to go ahead with the next IVF cycle if anything happens. But mostly it was about fearing the worst, and hoping for the best.

The flight

The long weekend was quite dull while we prayed and tried our best to keep positive. We got news that FIL got slightly better, but the full recovery will be painstakingly slow, and not without risks. However, a few days later, his conditioned worsened, and DH decided to fly to India. Luckily, till today it is still good news, and FIL is not that critical anymore, but there is still danger, he is still in the ICU, and he still needs a lot of care. 

We had booked the nurses appointment in the meantime, done all the blood works, and I had even started to take the pills before DH left. I will go the the nurse's appointment alone, and perhaps start jabbing alone too, but I have all my fingers and toes crossed that things are still stable, and DH comes back in time for the EPU. I want that for both of us, but also because if we go ahead, it means FIL is OK, and in his path to recovery. I may not have spent too much time with him, but he is a nice man, and I respect and love him a lot, and really hope and pray that he comes out of this soon.