What dreams are made of

What a dream...

I had a very strange dream on Saturday night. I saw someone I never expected to meet, as she is with God now. But I used to like visiting her when I was a kid. In the dream, I knew she had gone away, but that instance, in the dream, she had come back. Her family was together and happy again. She was the same kind and loving face I still remember. She didn't talk to me in the dream though. 

I don't know what the dream meant, but I was soon awake, and in the wee hours of Sunday morning, I was suddenly very worried about my future child. You see, for some reason I cannot explain, I had a very good feeling about this natural cycle. So much that although we had made a decision to start on the Long down cycle (revisit the IVF land to be blunt) this month, I asked my husband to let me postpone it a month. All things did not exactly go on plan - the thyroid levels were not within normal ranges still (but not so low that the FS was concerned),  I think I O'ed early, so the weekend getaway we booked was a waste, and I caught cold, although it wasn't too bad. But these things did not faze me. I had a few signs (bodily) that helped me keep my hopes up - I had been asymptomatic for the 5 months past my last egg collection, so this was a welcome change. But on Sunday morning, after the dream, my positiveness took a sudden plunge. My signs disappeared over the day. And today, I got the pre-AF spotting that I have come to hate with a gusto. I am not a very spiritual person, but I am not able to forget the dream and the impact it had on me. Maybe it meant nothing, and it was just me and my head doing its usual overtime. But I'd like to find out someday what it meant...

IVF update

Guess now I am just waiting for AF to arrive so that I can book for next round of IVF. With Long down cycle, the egg collection and transfer is likely to be in July. So few wasted week of just waiting ahead of me.

Talking of IVF, my neighbour that I mentioned earlier was thinking of IVF, told me that she went ahead this month, and it was nice chatting to her after her egg collection last week. She had the transfer yesterday, so I am honestly hoping and praying that she gets her happy ending right away. I would never wish a repeated IVF cycles even on my enemies. Its such an emotional torture. But for myself, I have no choice but to board the train again. And keep my fingers crossed (tightly).


Do you all dream about what your future children are going to be? I, for some reason, always dream about a little girl. I don't have any preference for the gender, all I wish for is a healthy happy child. But my imaginations are of me holding the tiny hands of a toddler with curly hair and wearing a red(ish) frock. Maybe if its a boy, I can still dress him in a frock once in a while just to live out my day dream :) Cause I am sure I will get there one day. Biologically mine, or adopted, whichever it turns out to be. I lose hope and patience from time to time, but never the willingness to keep trying. I will never give up. 

1 comment :

  1. Good luck with boarding the IVF train again! Will keep my fingers and toes crossed for you!! :)

    Re: dreams, I do have baby dreams, in my latest I gave birth to a little boy who had brown eyes. Both me and Hubby have blue - green eyes, so where he'd gotten his eye colour from, I don't know.. Dreams are weird, but I know what you mean about them leaving you feeling unsettled. That's how I felt after the baby dream. It almost got me convinced that I was pregnant, until AF arrived a couple of days later. : (

    But as you said, we will get there one day, one way or another. Just need to keep on dreaming and persevering.xx