Baby D

I am sorry for being MIA for so's been almost a year it seems. The main thing that happened in these past months was my actual journey to meet my baby, baby D!

After my last post, rest of the pregnancy was almost uneventful, with only small period of slight nausea, and couple of weeks of pregnancy related rashes, PUPPS (which drove me mad). The delivery itself couldn't have gone better either, with her being born within 2 hours of me arriving at the hospital. The first time I met her was magical, and rest of the journey till now hasn't been any less. So far, she has met her growth expectations at each clinic visits, and has so far loved all the day outs we have managed to fit in so far. At eight weeks, she is cooing her heart away, and making our hearts melt with her smile.

I have been lucky that my mom is here for a year, to help me look after her. Still the days just disappear, and each day I silently praise those moms who do it alone. I wasn't able to post during pregnancy as I was too scared to jinx things till the very end, but after she was born, was a bit challenging to get the time. In the future, I intend to regularly post updates about baby D here, lets see how it goes though.

Dating scan

Sorry for being MIA, I had been too busy or tired to update. But no news is fortunately good news this time, at least for now.

The dating scan went well, with our poppy growing right on track at 8w5d and perfect heartbeat of 189. So mesmerized by the little thing!

I haven't stopped worrying that symptoms are coming and going, but I am starting to be more hopeful than all doom and gloom. Minor bouts of morning sickness and back ache is all the only thing that is a physical reminder, which I am thankful for...most of the times ;)

Waiting still sucks

The last week was one of the hardest one for me, as I really struggled about not having contact with my parents in Nepal causing me to worry about their safety, and not having any assurance that this pregnancy is not going to end silently like the last one. So much that I nearly broke down infront of my colleagues who were also travelling to the customer site, it took a lot of strength not to. I thought several times about giving up, and pray to my boss that I be allowed to go home.

Being in a foreign country, I do not have the luxury to call my clinic with my concerns and get an early scan or another bloods done. Unless I presented myself to the emergency in a hospital here, and demand bloods or scans, but I chickened out of that. I am not sure I would be able to handle bad news by myself.

It got a bit better mid week when we finally had contact with my parents again (they are shaken but OK), and work got so busy that I barely had time to think about my fading lines and symptoms. And I have calmed down a lot by now, hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. I have my first scan on the 11th after I get back. I switch between imagining what we would do if we did hear the heartbeat, and imagining how I would survive  if history repeats itself. To be honest I really want to know either way. I cannot wait to board the plane back home this Friday. By this time next week, I'll be in my bed...

Also, if I never have to travel to this place again, I would never complain, as I never want to be reminded of this week again.

Two lines

Since I am posting today, I think I need to come clean too. Hence this separate post from the one about earthquake before.

Yes, I got positive pregnancy result for my last cycle. I'm just into my 6th week now. I didn't write about it before, as I was terribly scared of this pregnancy, since this is the first one after my miscarriage last year. I got a little bit of relief as the betas were lot stronger than last time - 228 on 10dp5dt, and 815 on 13dp5dt. But I was still afraid to share, as I thought I would somehow jinx it. Then I stressed about bringing the progesterone pessaries on the 26 hour flight  with me as they had to be kept cold (was an OK experience btw), stressed about having to work hard, and not getting to eat on time time while I'm at customer site, and worried about million things more.

Fast forward to the end of first week at customer site, all work load and food was fine, but I think I ended up having bad luck anyway. I only had sore boobs as a symptom, and that started fading, so I freaked out and POASed on Friday morning. Unfortunately, the lines are getting lighter since Friday. This is not looking good at all. I am trying to stay positive, but I feel the doom and gloom already repeat itself. The two lines that started painting new dreams have started fading, and so are the dreams now.

So I started the weekend crying for my little poppy, and ended up crying the whole weekend for my little baby, for my old parents's suffering alone in Nepal, for my 'adopted' girl in Nepal (through Plan Australia) who I know I will not get any updates about for ages, and for my beautiful country which has been shaken up so much. If I never have such a weekend again, I will not complain. Its going to be long two weeks here. I am due for the first scan on 11th when I get back, but its too far away, and may be just too late.

Earthquake in Nepal - need your prayers and support

This has been a difficult weekend for us. I am in business trip in Europe, and have been watching the news about earthquake in my home country Nepal, helplessly, with tears streaming down my face. So many stories of strength and hope and people working together and supporting each other. But so many more of destruction and loss....

My parents and relatives back home are fine. But there are still so many tremors coming back, some big ones as well, so they are all trying to survive out in the open, with what little supplies they had at home. Water supplies are running out, its cold and and it has started raining..

I won't write long, as I am sure you can get the details in news. I am just writing today to request all of you to pray that this ends, that much more lives are saved, and that there are no new casualties/diseases appearing. I would also request you all to open your heart and donate generously. I am using a Nepalese community in Sydney to donate, but please use any reputable donation agencies like RedCross, Unicef or any of your favourite charities.

Please also forward/share this request if you can. Any help at all that you can think of will be greatly appreciated.