No sunshine here

So of course, the cycle was a bust. Yesterday was the test day, and it was clear negative. Our clinic does not do betas, it’s just two HPTs to be used two days apart.

I did drive myself crazy when I tested with FRER on 5dp5dt, and it was negative. Had also used a few expired OPKs expired long back from 2015/2016 (not sure why I still have them??) at the same time. I was smart enough not to use up any more FRERs after that day, but I tested a few more times with the expired OPKs, thinking they are supposed to go to the bin anyway, and they were all negative – but both lines were pretty light in them. That was the height of my obsession this cycle I guess, besides googling when was the earliest and latest to get a BFP again and again J. But the OPKs helped me get prepared for the negative, while still holding a bit of hope at the back somehow.

Tomorrow is the second test, but I am already sure it is negative. I was actually quite surprised how the mind works – I was feeling bloated right up to the point I tested yesterday. After the HPT tested, I went back to sleep, and yesterday morning, ALL the symptoms seem to disappear, including bloating. So, I already skipped my progesterone pessaries this morning. Still a bit scared to throw all caution in the air before AF shows up. Bit of a pity, as I really want to spend this evening drunk, as it is Friday night L

Anyway, not sure where to from here. I am keen to put TTC in the backbench, but I have a batch of progesterone to finish before June. So my mind says do it sooner than later so that there is some change of a BFP before turning 40 in April. But I really want to stop all this nonsense and obsession, and wasting money on supplements. Will see how it all goes.