Two lines

Since I am posting today, I think I need to come clean too. Hence this separate post from the one about earthquake before.

Yes, I got positive pregnancy result for my last cycle. I'm just into my 6th week now. I didn't write about it before, as I was terribly scared of this pregnancy, since this is the first one after my miscarriage last year. I got a little bit of relief as the betas were lot stronger than last time - 228 on 10dp5dt, and 815 on 13dp5dt. But I was still afraid to share, as I thought I would somehow jinx it. Then I stressed about bringing the progesterone pessaries on the 26 hour flight  with me as they had to be kept cold (was an OK experience btw), stressed about having to work hard, and not getting to eat on time time while I'm at customer site, and worried about million things more.

Fast forward to the end of first week at customer site, all work load and food was fine, but I think I ended up having bad luck anyway. I only had sore boobs as a symptom, and that started fading, so I freaked out and POASed on Friday morning. Unfortunately, the lines are getting lighter since Friday. This is not looking good at all. I am trying to stay positive, but I feel the doom and gloom already repeat itself. The two lines that started painting new dreams have started fading, and so are the dreams now.

So I started the weekend crying for my little poppy, and ended up crying the whole weekend for my little baby, for my old parents's suffering alone in Nepal, for my 'adopted' girl in Nepal (through Plan Australia) who I know I will not get any updates about for ages, and for my beautiful country which has been shaken up so much. If I never have such a weekend again, I will not complain. Its going to be long two weeks here. I am due for the first scan on 11th when I get back, but its too far away, and may be just too late.


Earthquake in Nepal - need your prayers and support

This has been a difficult weekend for us. I am in business trip in Europe, and have been watching the news about earthquake in my home country Nepal, helplessly, with tears streaming down my face. So many stories of strength and hope and people working together and supporting each other. But so many more of destruction and loss....

My parents and relatives back home are fine. But there are still so many tremors coming back, some big ones as well, so they are all trying to survive out in the open, with what little supplies they had at home. Water supplies are running out, its cold and and it has started raining..

I won't write long, as I am sure you can get the details in news. I am just writing today to request all of you to pray that this ends, that much more lives are saved, and that there are no new casualties/diseases appearing. I would also request you all to open your heart and donate generously. I am using a Nepalese community in Sydney to donate, but please use any reputable donation agencies like RedCross, Unicef or any of your favourite charities.

Please also forward/share this request if you can. Any help at all that you can think of will be greatly appreciated.


Not trying hard enough

I hope its ok to not give your 100% everytime.

We had our 4th transfer last Tuesday. It was one of the two 5-day embryos frozen after my last fresh cycle. They don't freeze if the embryos are not of good quality, and since the third one took, we were in for some hope. On the actual transfer day, a little disappointment set in because it wasn't a full blastocyst yet. In addition, I was told that I was ovulating after my first bloods, but the OPKs I used at home anyway were positive for the next three days, and my temping chart showed an increase after the forth day. So I guess the timing of the transfer was probably early by 2 days. So my brain says we aren't in with much chance. But all hope is not gone fortunately.

In the other hand, I have been lacking any inspiration to prepare my body for this cycle. Work has been crazy, and I'll be travelling overseas for three weeks for work days after my test day, so not looking forward to that either. Result is that I haven't been watching my sugar, caffeine, water or gluten intake. No exercise either. I feel guilty, but I just don't have the energy to give my all this time. If I was waiting for a miracle before, I need triple that this time. Not sure if I deserve it though. Lets see how my fate and God feels about all this.

My emotions are still all over the place and I would love some positive to come into my life, but until then, I have to count on being busy at work to ensure I am not all tears all the time. So not sure taking the Easter break was a good plan (we have a choice of working this Friday and Monday). I just hope that the body appropriates this break though, as perhaps that's the only thing I'll do for this cycle.

Not looking forward to adding a year to my age this weekend's just a reminder that time is ticking. Not exciting like it used to be. All I hope is that next year, I have less complaining to do.