Not trying hard enough

I hope its ok to not give your 100% everytime.

We had our 4th transfer last Tuesday. It was one of the two 5-day embryos frozen after my last fresh cycle. They don't freeze if the embryos are not of good quality, and since the third one took, we were in for some hope. On the actual transfer day, a little disappointment set in because it wasn't a full blastocyst yet. In addition, I was told that I was ovulating after my first bloods, but the OPKs I used at home anyway were positive for the next three days, and my temping chart showed an increase after the forth day. So I guess the timing of the transfer was probably early by 2 days. So my brain says we aren't in with much chance. But all hope is not gone fortunately.

In the other hand, I have been lacking any inspiration to prepare my body for this cycle. Work has been crazy, and I'll be travelling overseas for three weeks for work days after my test day, so not looking forward to that either. Result is that I haven't been watching my sugar, caffeine, water or gluten intake. No exercise either. I feel guilty, but I just don't have the energy to give my all this time. If I was waiting for a miracle before, I need triple that this time. Not sure if I deserve it though. Lets see how my fate and God feels about all this.

My emotions are still all over the place and I would love some positive to come into my life, but until then, I have to count on being busy at work to ensure I am not all tears all the time. So not sure taking the Easter break was a good plan (we have a choice of working this Friday and Monday). I just hope that the body appropriates this break though, as perhaps that's the only thing I'll do for this cycle.

Not looking forward to adding a year to my age this weekend's just a reminder that time is ticking. Not exciting like it used to be. All I hope is that next year, I have less complaining to do.

1 comment :

  1. Oh wow, congrats on a transfer. x I'm sorry you're feeling less than hopeful - but I hope you get a nice surprise. x