Waiting still sucks

The last week was one of the hardest one for me, as I really struggled about not having contact with my parents in Nepal causing me to worry about their safety, and not having any assurance that this pregnancy is not going to end silently like the last one. So much that I nearly broke down infront of my colleagues who were also travelling to the customer site, it took a lot of strength not to. I thought several times about giving up, and pray to my boss that I be allowed to go home.

Being in a foreign country, I do not have the luxury to call my clinic with my concerns and get an early scan or another bloods done. Unless I presented myself to the emergency in a hospital here, and demand bloods or scans, but I chickened out of that. I am not sure I would be able to handle bad news by myself.

It got a bit better mid week when we finally had contact with my parents again (they are shaken but OK), and work got so busy that I barely had time to think about my fading lines and symptoms. And I have calmed down a lot by now, hoping for the best, but preparing for the worst. I have my first scan on the 11th after I get back. I switch between imagining what we would do if we did hear the heartbeat, and imagining how I would survive  if history repeats itself. To be honest I really want to know either way. I cannot wait to board the plane back home this Friday. By this time next week, I'll be in my bed...

Also, if I never have to travel to this place again, I would never complain, as I never want to be reminded of this week again.

1 comment :

  1. I'm so sorry that things are so difficult for you right now. I'm glad to hear your parents are well - although I can imagine it being really hard being so far away at such tragic time. I'll keep praying for your little bean, that you'll get good news on 11th. Hang in there for now.xx