Not getting any easier

So, I was back at work this week. On the very first day, I was disappointed that the office was further than I thought from the train station. Minimum 2 hours of travel one way is already making me feel dull.

On top of that, it seems our small Sydney office was showering with babies in the 1.5 years I was gone. 2 of the 3 ladies pregnant (third does not have a serious relationship yet I think), and 3 of the 6 men became new fathers (remaining either already have grown-up children or not into babies yet). So yes, I missed out on the baby express when I left work. Or maybe I just saved myself a LOT of heartache watching all others invite babies in their world.I'm again surrounded by pregnant people - in the office, on the street or train, or in Facebook. I had disabled Facebook because of this, but now that I am surrounded by this in real life, I might as well accept the 'virtual world' and face it head on. 1.5 years ago, I was proud that babies and baby news did not affect me. Now it just saps any positivity I have. Happy moms, either just starting the new journey, or enjoying their children going to school, or inviting their second child - all makes me go green. This may never change, but I better get used to it than try to hide it. I may be permanently recognized as the green lady one day, but so be it. This is my life. I just have to live it.


  1. I'm so sorry that work's started with a bit of a 'blah'.. I know what you mean about the journey time, though. I travel 1.5h minimum both ways and it does take its toll. Now that I am cautiously looking for a new job, I am definitely trying to find something nearer.

    Also all the pregnant ladies and new mothers - it's tough and I feel like it sort of gets worse the longer one is in the infertility game (I suppose as the pool of new and expectant mothers keeps on growing exponentially whilst we stay stagnant).. Also you've been through a lot in the past year that has changed you.. All you can do is be kind to yourself and respect your own limitations.. Hugs.x

  2. I'm sorry things have been rough. This infertility stuff is not for the faint of heart…that's for sure. Thinking of you! Hugs.