More waiting

I had an appointment with my FS (+Endocrinologist) yesterday, mostly to check my thyroid results she had sent me to do when I got pregnant. The thyroid results were fine, and I was quite happy that my TPO antibodies have been going down since I started the gluten free diet. It is now only 345 compared to 500 in July, and >1000 in March. So I am quite hopeful of this diet bringing good news.

, but the ultrasounds for the dating scan indicated that my fibroids had grown, and my FS wants me to get a sonohysterogram to check that my endometrium is fine. It has to be done after CD6 of my next cycle. I do have the option of doing it in parallel to the FET that I was planning for my next cycle, but there are two catches. Firstly, medicare will not cover the costs of any extra scans etc during an IVF(fresh/FET) cycle it seems..but that's not a huge amount of money, so that OK. Secondly, and most importantly, my FS suggested that I wait that cycle out, and do the FET after that cycle. She said it is necessary to recover completely, physically and emotionally after my miscarriage, so one more cycle where we just do a scan should do it. So she suggested scan in Oct, then FET in Nov, providing my cycles are not completely crazy after the miscarriage. The problem I have with that is that I was looking forward to 'using up' the two frozen embryos I have left this year this year, before going on a 6-week holiday visiting my folks in early December and taking a long break next year from all thing IVF. This of course was with the assumption that the two FETs at the end of this year will not work, same as the two FETs a the end of this year (and with my negative frame of mind right now, I can't expect more of life for now). With this new suggestion, I have my IVF thoughts following me well into my holiday and perhaps into the first quarter of the new year. I cannot understand what my fate is trying to tell me..I am tired of waiting and this uncertainty. With IVF, it feels like I am doing something concrete, but there is so much waiting around IVF, and I am tired of putting my life on hold. I know I will not be OK to overlook what my FS told me and just go ahead with the FET next month. I will also feel bad if I almost six months from now, I am exactly where I am right now. But I think I am still inclined to wait next year, than feel guilty that I wasted an embryo that might hold my future happiness. So I am sure it is just a long wait ahead for me. There is no moving forward.

I am sorry if I have stretched too long today. 2 glasses of wines are taking their effect - it had been a really long time since I last drank. I hope you all have a better weekend and future lined up for you...

1 comment :

  1. I hate waiting, I totally HATE it - so I understand what you're coming from. I guess if the fibroids have grown, they could get in the way of possible implantation in the FET's, so that's one way to look at it? But still... urgh.

    I still have no cycle back after my m/c. :(