Testing patience

At this moment, what I want from life is pretty simple. I just want to move ahead and stop looking back. All I am needing is for my body to cooperate so that I get AF and start thinking about the month ahead, look forward instead of back, rembering my loss. I will never forget my little angel I never got to meet, but I can't keep feeling sorry for the way it turned out. Why is that so hard, is beyond me. Guess because what I really really wanted in life, I never got easily. So it's just my rotten luck, promising never to leave my side.

I am sad thinking that everyone and everything is as usual, no change, except the hole in my heart. A hole I am trying my bestest to fill by giving it time. But the way my bloody body is behaving, it feels like reopening the wound everyday. Because I always had regular cycles, this wait screams abnormality to me, and that  reminds me of the cause every single day. It's not fair at all when I've been trying so hard to brave it. C'mon life, move forward, or in any direction at all, except back...I really could use it..