Sorry for disappearing, but I was away from all this for a few weeks. We decided to urgently visit our father-in-law because he was refusing to eat or drink after his second stroke. He is currently living in a small mountain town in India these days (we are originally from neighbouring Nepal). Good news is that his appetite is now lot better, and he is finally taking his medications which he was refusing too before. Bad news is that his memory was affected this time (he hardly recognized me but luckily he recognized his son and daughter and was happy to see them).

The culture out there is totally different to here is Aus of course, so in these three weeks, there were lots of visiting our relatives (while dad rested) and lots of eating. There was no arguing with the elders who fed you there in matters of food (lovingly of course), so gluten-free diet went out of the window. Temping and OPKs were totally out of question. I hardly had the energy to follow my thyroxine routine, let alone my vits and CoQ10 etc. So no IF related crazy routines. What I did have was lots of blessings from everyone for a baby and soon too. If blessings from elders work, there should be some good news in the next couple of months. Guess will just have to wait and see.

I did have a moment where my tears got the better of me. If my last pregnancy wasn't so abruptly ended, I would be in such a different place right now. Instead, my poor baby wasn't even acknowledged, as no one there knows. I was so sorry for both of us. I didn't let anyone see the tears except my husband though.

I am starting my job on Monday so hoping it provides me enough distraction for a little while, as I have no energy to go for another IVF round for now. Perhaps setting up gluten-free diet again is a good excuse for now - that will take a few months. Before we decided to fly, I had booked for a FET but the nurse replied saying they could not book that cycle as I did not have rubella testing done in the past 12 months. No one EVER mentioned it to me that it had to be done every year. If I didn't have to urgently travel at that time, my post would have been a furious one. Instead I am now in a state of mind to test the blessings and try naturally for a couple of months at least. That may change of course, will see.

So, I started sniffing since this Tuesday. Syranel of course. I had taken Lucrin (injection) instead of Syranel last time, which was an extra expense, but much less restricted about meeting the 'every 12 hours' requirement, which was so much less stressful for me. I had a bit of a drama yesterday when I headed off for an impromptu visit to the next suburb 20 mins away yesterday evening, and totally forgot about Syranel. So when my alarm started ringing in the middle of the Asian grocery that I was at, I started panicking, and we bought whatever we had chosen till then and turned back home right away. But still 30 mins late. I know there are worse things that could have happened, but the nurse was particular about not getting it more than 10 mins late, so my mind started cursing my lack of organisation of course, which wasn't pretty.

Anyway, besides the Syranel sniffing saga, I am  doing well, no symptoms so far, not sure if that is good or bad. If things go well, I expect to start Gonal-F by the end of next week, have egg collection around end of June, and would know how the cycle went by the third week of July. I can't wait!

 

I feel like I am doing as much as I can this cycle. Drinking enough water, getting enough sleep (not sure if the world cup is going to disrupt that!), walking at least few times a week, carrying on the supplements (Prenatals, Vit D, CoQ10, iron, Vit B12, Folic acid!), and the diet control - no gluten, no dairly, limited caffine, etc. What I haven't managed to do is to gain my weight back yet, but I am still trying. In the end, I guess it will depend on if all the stars are aligned for me on the transfer day, but I am trying to keep up my positiveness this cycle.

Thanks for all of you who have wished me well for this cycle. Your support means a lot to me!

At the start of each weekend or long weekend, or any other holiday, I am surprised at how much the holidays mean to me, although I am staying at home practically doing nothing rest of the week these days. The search for work, trying to improve my skills, or simply obsessing about TTC must be more draining than the 5 days of work I used to do! Anyway, here is what my extra long Easter weekend held for me:

Kids, kids and more kids

It started off with visiting a very good friend of ours, who now has a 3-month old son. It was really nice to hold the small guy and just watch him watch you. Then we went to pick up my sister-in-law, and her 2 and half years old son to spend the Easter weekend with us. The little guy was hilarious, cute, exhausting and impossible at the same time. Through the tantrums and the nursery rhymes and his never ending stories which didn't make sense, we found ourselves laughing and cuddling him a lot. They went back on Monday morning, and I then went on Monday and Tuesday to volunteer at Sydney Royal Easter Show and saw children of all ages, sizes, and temperaments! I was helping children board on/off the Aero Medical Simulator provided by the Royal Flying Doctor Service (Eastern Section), and was amazed by the excitement with which the kids wanted to get on the plane and inside the flight deck, pushing buttons, and trying the controls. Two or three kids persuaded their parents to come back 3 or 4 times, and among them was a small kid less than 2 years old! Its a pity I didn't take my own pictures at the event, but I took a few related pics off their website,  facebook page and twitter below.

The Royal Flying Doctors Service provides excellent service to the Australian community, providing 24-hour emergency support wherever required, but additionally, also provides primary health service and programs to the rural communities, providing medical assistance to over 290,000 people every year. It was an honour to help them out, and if you are interested too, you could support them here, or just visit them in one of their shows or their bases if you are nearby.

Continuing our TTC story

We also discussed this week that we are ready to be back in the IVF train. I am expecting my periods in a day or two, and I will book myself into the clinic when that happens. Its again going to be a long down cycle, so the transfer will probably happen in June. It however depends on my thyroid levels. I have an appointment with my FS, who is also an endocrinologist, on May 1, and I am hoping that by that time, my thyroid levels will have come back to normal as they were quite low last time.

Having so many kids around me this Easter scared me a bit at the beginning, as I felt myself so inexperienced dealing with them, but I got the hang of it soon, and I was even more sure that I wanted this for us sooner if possible.  

Infertility around me

On Saturday, we had the couple from next door and a mutual friend (through DH's work) over for dinner. The friend is pregnant and has gestational diabetes, and while talking about pregnancy in general, I found out that our neighbors were also struggling with infertility, and thinking of starting IVF. The lady had Endometriosis, and that was probably her main cause. We talked about the emotions we go through every month, and how it is so draining, and also talked about how people don't understand and keep asking about when we are planning to have a baby. I have made a mental note to help and support my neighbor out in the process whenever I can, as I really understand how lonely and frustrating the journey can become at times.

Gluten and dairy free living

It has just been about a month since I started this diet, and I am already wondering how people who follow this diet are doing it so gracefully? I am already struggling with what to eat, even though my main diet has always been rice. How do you people manage when travelling? For example, during the Easter show, although I had lunch before I left for my 1pm shift, I was hungry by the time I had my first break, but I couldn't find anything to eat. The gluten free sandwiches were gone, or had butter or cheese. The Gluten free muffin had no ingredients written, so I wasn't sure if it was dairy free (probably not). I was given a breakfast bar one day saying it was gluten free, but next day, they said it wasn't! I had quickly looked at the ingredients before eating it the day before, and it had looked fine to me, but when they said it wasn't gluten free, just flour free, I wasn't sure anymore. The worst part of it was that I asked if they had anything else gluten free, and the woman laughed and said water (I had a water bottle already in my hand!), as if I was following this diet to lose weight, and I was being paranoid, because I obviously didn't die eating the bar the day before! I was lucky to have a few small "samples" of gluten free sausages in the food section at the end of my shift, and bought some dairy free chocolates and a nice caffeine free herbal tree, so at least I wasn't still pissed off when I boarded the train for my 1-hour ride back home. 

My husband has planned a get away with three more couples for this long weekend the coming weekend, and I am already dreading it. I only know one of those couples, and I am not too comfortable restricting where or what they all can eat because of me. I don't even want to have to explain why I am doing this, cause obviously, the first thing a lot of people think about when they hear gluten free is that I am trying to lose weight, and I am the exact opposite. I can say I am not looking forward to it at this stage...